Ikkaku's Hair and Yumi's Sword
by judikickshiney
Summary: Afro's were, with the exception of the bowl cut, one of the UGLIEST hair styles...


It was a well known, very obvious fact, that Ikkaku did not have hair. There were several theories about why he didn't, but the Soul Society had yet to find out the real one.

Yumichika Ayasegawa, however, knew why Ikkaku's hair follicles could not produce the desired reaction; he was, in fact, responsible for it.

You see, Ikkaku had had an afro.

An afro was perhaps the least beautiful of all hair cuts, besides the bowl cut, and Yumi would blatantly admit that. He did blatantly admit it. To a complete stranger.

And that was how Yumi and Ikkaku met.

It was a cold day in the Lower District and Yumichika was contemplating the merits of being semi-warm inside a dirty bar and being hit on by Ugly Men in said dirty bar or freezing outside and avoiding the Ugly People. He was about to forfeit his pride (beautifully) and go into the bar when he bore witness to a strange figure walking down the half mud-half snow road.

He cocked his head to the side, studying the strange figure coming his way.

When the man was close enough and Yumi could see his face he called out, "That is a hideous afro. Quite unbecoming. Especially when you have such pretty eye make-up on. It damages your quality."

The strange man paused for a minute, staring at the (gorgeous) figure in front of him.

"Who the hell are you?"

"Ayasegawa Yumichika, pleasure to meet you. Though your speech is as unbecoming as your hair."

The stranger stared some more. "Are you a guy?" followed after a period of silence.

Yumi scoffed. "How rude! Can't you tell from my magnificently manly build, the rugged beauty of my face? Isn't it obvious?!"

And the stranger stared some more.

…The blatant disregard to what Yumi had said was getting on his nerves. "Look, ugly. I was trying to be nice since you aren't nearly as bad looking as any of the other beasts inside the bar, and I need someone to talk to. Since you are so obviously below me (intellectually and physically) I'll just take your money and go."

"Huh?"

Yumi snorted (gracefully). "I'm certain you heard me the first time, you oaf. I'll put it simply so that it won't hurt too much when you think about it. Give. Me. Your. Money. If you don't you wont be able to feel your testicles for monthes. Got it?"

The Ugly stranger laughed. "Fuck no, ya little fag. I try not to beat up the weak, but if you start something like that you better be able to defend yourself."

Yumichika fumed. And backed his statement up.

Really, the man's eye make-up really was nice. Especially when he was unconscious. If only his hair wasn't so UGLY!

When Ikkaku woke up he was slumped in a shabby shack. And he was bald.

Yumi had cheerfully tended to Ikkaku's frostbitten fingers and toes, and after Ikkaku got over how humiliating it was to have had his ass handed to him by a (presumably) gay man he found he rather enjoyed the man's incessant chatter. It was warm and friendly, even when Yumi was being pompous and paraded around like a fucking peacock. After so many years alone they found that company was a nice thing to have.

And when Ikkaku finally decided it was time to move to a new town and whoop someone new's ass Yumi followed him and told him how Ugly he looked after each fight, but would take care of him anyway.

Ikkaku would, every so often, wonder why on earth his hair never grew back. Yumi would smirk when asked to explain and flaunt his own brilliance, never providing a straight answer.

When it was found that Yumi's released Fujikujaku could suck away riatsu Ikkaku wondered if it could suck away hair follicles too.

Again, when asked, Yumi just smirked. Afros were an Ugly thing anyway.

Fujikujaku and he intended to keep their hair salon (in their inner world) a secret. The potent collection of beauty supplies would, no doubt, scar most straight men. And it wasn't worth having _his_ hair pulled out if Ikkaku found out what Yumi and his sword had done to remove the bald man's top fuzz.

Besides, Ikkaku had never really cared about his hair.


End file.
